To Prove – or Not to Prove?

It seems to me that one of the graces given by advancing age is being released from the need to prove oneself.

Now, in saying this, I don’t mean to be arrogant.

There will always be, I hope, an opportunity to improve oneself. Lord knows, there are innumerable ways in which I can improve. High among these are learning to become somewhat less compulsive, and listening longer to others before offering my opinion. And, I do believe that advancing age gives one an opportunity to learn more, to understand more, to explore and, simply, just to be more.

By proving oneself, I’m referring to the overshadowing need to pass tests imposed on us by others. Often, at my age, it’s an imagined requirement.  Obviously, it starts in very early childhood, with the ingrown need to please our parents. It grows, by Draconian leaps and bounds, by schooling and those damn tests that schooling brings. For most of us, that has meant 12 years of testing from kindergarten through high school -  and more than that if we went on to attend college. Remember those ACT and SAT exams, essays, and “interviews “with admissions officers?  They certainly left their mark. And, who hasn’t had recurrent “blue book dreams” way after graduating?”

For the artistic among us (I can’t count myself as one) there are recitals, which must be excruciating. For athletes, there are try-outs. Getting our first job and subsequent employments. They invariably brought sleepless nights worrying about how the interviews will go, and afterwards, how they went. Most “steps up” require passing a test, or tests, of some sort.

Thank goodness, we don’t have to take – and pass – tests to be enrolled in Social Security and Medicare! 

And then there’s competition. When one nears “retirement age” there’s a decreasing need to compete. But throughout our lives, up ‘til now, competition is a primary driver of our activity and aspirations. It’s viewed by many as the backbone of our free enterprise system.

And what would athletics be if it weren’t for our love of competition? I think it all must have started with the gladiators in Rome, fighting for their survival with others of their ilk and with lions – and most of all, for the amusement of spectators.  Now, it seems that athletic competition is what makes the world go around.

So, when one reaches “retirement age,” why not take advantage of it and stop worrying about proving ourselves?  Momentum, I guess, is one reason. For most of us, our livelihoods no longer depend on our ability to surmount entrance hurdles, or on our competitive prowess in conquering others. Yet, who hasn’t encountered others of our age bent on impressing us with their past accomplishments? And, how have you felt about that? 

The point -  if there is one -  is that as we grow older, there should be far less need to prove ourselves - either in terms of adequacy or superiority. There’s just that much more time to pursue things that appear important to us, not necessarily to others. It’s OK – really - to release ourselves from the judgements of others. 

Life can be more rewarding when you don’t feel compelled to justify and grade everything that you do! And, chances are, that few people really are spending that much time grading you.

What do you think?