Self Expectations at 86?

Image thanks to Unsplash

One of the things I have discovered since rounding the year 85-mile post is that the course of setting self-expectations may go topsy turvy.

Oh, they’re still there (self-expectations, that is) but it’s how they are set that goes through what we might call a transformation.  A few weeks back, I wrote an essay in which I expressed my dismay at the extent to which we are expected to meet standards set by others. Parents set the fundamental ground rules. Schools set admission hurdles. Teaches grade your work. Employers set job requirements, compensation guidelines, and advancement standards. And perhaps most unfortunate, peers set hurdles for social acceptance. The choice is yours – meet them, or you’re out.

What I’ve found, I think, is that this all begins to fade when you’ve reached “an advanced age.” Social standard-setting may still be there, but the standard-followers tend to get off the cart.

So, does freedom finally reign? Are we free?

We might be, but the process seems to be replaced by the task of defining for oneselves an overall purpose and related course. The question shifts from “what do others think?” to “what do I think?”

In commenting on my recent essay, a good friend said that he is always open to the advice of people who respects. He makes a great point. People who you respect typically offer advice which is intended to be of value to you, rather than to serve the interest of an institution. I will keep that in mind. Maybe the preferred course is about being “selectively open."

The shift is not always easy. Especially after a lifetime spent attuning oneself to other peoples’ expectations and proceeding accordingly. Yet, I think that the route appears, sooner than later, to increasingly making up our own minds.

What do you think?