To Prove – or Not to Prove?

It seems to me that one of the graces given by advancing age is being released from the need to prove oneself.

Now, in saying this, I don’t mean to be arrogant. There will always be, I hope, an opportunity to improve oneself. Lord knows, there are innumerable ways in which I can and should improve. And, I believe that advancing age gives an opportunity to learn more, to understand more, and to explore.

By proving oneself, I’m referring to the overshadowing need to pass tests imposed on us by others.

Obviously, it starts in very early childhood, with the ingrown need to please our parents. It grows, by Draconian leaps and bounds, by schooling and those damned tests that schooling brings. For most of us, that has meant 12 years of testing from kindergarten through high school -  and more than that if we went on to attend college. Remember those ACT and SAT exams, essays, and “interviews “with admissions officers?  They certainly left their mark. And, who hasn’t had recurrent “blue book dreams” way after graduating?”

For the artistic among us (I can’t count myself as one) there are recitals, which must be excruciating. For athletes, there are try-outs. Getting our first and subsequent jobs invariably brought sleepless nights worrying about how the interviews will go, and afterwards, how they went. Most “steps up” require passing a test, or tests, of some sort.

And then there’s competition. Throughout our lives, ‘til now, competition is a primary driver of our activity and aspirations. It’s viewed by many as the backbone of our free enterprise system. And what would athletics be if it weren’t for competition?

Thank goodness, we don’t have to take – and pass – tests to be enrolled in Social Security and Medicare!

So, when one reaches “retirement age,” why not take advantage of it and stop worrying about proving ourselves to others?  For most of us, our livelihoods no longer depend on our ability to surmount entrance hurdles, or on our competitive prowess. Inertia, I guess, is one reason why we hang on to grade and be graded mentality..

The point -  if there is one -  it seems that as we grow older, there should be far less need to submit ourselves to grading. That gives us more time to pursue things that appear important to us, not necessarily to others.

For example, friendships rarely are kindled by impressing others with past accomplishments. The most rewarding relationships are based on the present, not on grades of the past.

What do you think?